Top 10 reasons why Arnold Schwarzenegger rejected hosting the Miss America Pageant
10. They wouldn't let him sing "Here She Comes, Miss America."
9. Thought he'd have to wear stupid black robe and powdered wig.
8. Just found out what those bastards did to Bert Parks.
7. Afraid TV Guide would put his head on Ann-Margret's body.
6. Conflict of interest when Miss Massachusetts turned out to be Rose Kennedy.
5. Learned swimsuit pose-off was open only to contestants -- not judges.
4. Heard they wouldn't validate parking.
3. Groin pull.
2. Got better offer to judge Star Search.
1. He's 'whipped.
Top 10 Sources of Friction in the Arnold Schwarzenegger-Maria Shriver Marriage - 6/22/87 REPEAT)
10. Language Barrier
9. Forrest Sawyer Drops in at All Hours
8. Puts Steroids in Mint Dish as Practical Joke
7. Uncle Ted Always Wants to Arm Wrestle
6. Thinks Jane Pauley is a "Fabulous Babe"
5. Refuses to Learn Works to "Edelweiss"
4. Muscle Magazines Leave No Room in Rack for Town & Country
3. Uses "Bulking up" as Excuse to Eat Like a Pig
2. Rose Always Wants to Arm Wrestle
1. Body Oil on the Upholstery
Top 10 Least Popular Oscar Meyer Lunchmeats - March 1, 1990
10. Pulled Hamstring
9. Gristleami
8. Smoked Schwarzenegger
7. Hoffaloney
6. Eva Braunshweiger
5. San Diego Chicken Roll
4. Joseph Bologna
3. Smokey Pittsburgh Senorita
2. Hey -- Those Aren't Pimentos!
1. [Sorry, had a VCR glitch]
Top 10 Unsuccessful Lambada Movies - April 11, 1990
10. Ernest Goes to Lambada
9. Lambada: The Forbidden Phony-Baloney Fake Fad
8. Star Trek V: Lambada
7. Raymond Burr's Lambada in 3-D
6. Lambada: It's Spanish for "Polka"
5. Zorro Acts Swishy
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger is the Lambadinator
3. The AAA Presents: Defensive Driving the Lambada Way
2. Godzillambada
1. Lambada: The Dance No One's Actually Doing
Top 10 JFK Jr. Excuses - May 2, 1990
10. Should have actually answered essay question instead of just writing, "I'm a Kennedy."
9. Tutor Arnold Schwarzenegger over-emphasized the bench press.
8. Thought answer had to be in form of a question.
7. Took Uncle Ed's advice, but guy next to me was really dumb.
6. Confused by typo: spent months studying for the bra exam.
5. Got answers beforehand from that "Hey Vern!" guy.
4. Caught glimpse of self in reflective surface and was unable to look away.
3. Two words: sympathy tail.
2. Afraid passing grade meant talking to Doug Llewelyn.
1. Thought there'd be relaxing "cocktail and makeout break" midway through exam.
Top 10 Reasons Ted Kennedy Will Make a Good Husband -- March 17 1992
10. Youngsters love to be awakened in middle of night for Jello shots.
9. When wife feels sad and lonely he can always give her a million bucks.
8. Can stop an electric car window with his head.
7. Children won't have to worry about meeting impossibly high standards of conduct set by parents.
6. Could build guest house with empty Chivas bottles.
5. In-law Schwarzenegger ready to help move old refrigerator down to basement.
4. Won't spend a lot of time away from home campaigning for presidency.
3. Willing to take the time to help college-age kids cheat on their exams.
2. Won't forget anniversary or any other occasion that requires a toast.
1. Has phone numbers of hundreds of babysitters.
Top Ten Rejected Arnold Schwarzenegger Movie Lines
10. "This white zinfandel is making me tipsy"
9. "Hey, Vern, I just saved Christmas!"
8. "Don't I look adorable in this frilly dress?"
7. "Please leave my light on mommy"
6. "Ahhh! Look out! Ants!"
5. "I love my new Wonderbra"
4. "Maurice, Darling -- These hors d'oeuvres are scrumptious"
3. "Stop driving so fast, Letterman, are you trying to get us killed?"
2. "No, thanks -- chocolate cake goes straight to my ass"
1. "My name is Forrest Gump